Intentional Soul SF

A local agency cancelled a suicide prevention workshop due to lack of attendance in the first evening it was scheduled..

My comment is this…
This is a challenging subject it’s the pink elephant in society’s closet that no one want’s to discuss.
It’s the problem that speaks volumes it the silence to every ear in our community.
Where are the ears to do the listening and take action ..

Your heart wants to know.

Please note this is not with an intent to place anyone at fault in anyway.
It’s time for a new conversation to take place for change to occur first place is at home where the heart lives..

One person at a time we are each the leaders,teachers,healers visionaries the world has been waiting for in the ways we live our lives each day..

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TODAY TO MAKE YOU FEEL PROUD.. ??

I learned of this event tonight and have a personal request that if it speaks to you heart please attend.

And include this little exercise if you feel called. My heart says thanks in advance for being willing to take the time to save lives in our community.

Love-Blessings-Heartsmiles, Mark Estrada

WRITE DOWN THREE THINGS THAT COME TO MIND BEFORE THE EVENT.
MAKE A PERSONAL COMMITMENT TO REALLY ENGAGE W OTHERS ABOUT AT LEAST ONE OF THE THREE THINGS YOU WROTE DOWN..
NOTICE HOW YOU FELT WALKING IN AND IF ANYTHING HAS CHANGED AT THE NIGHTS END AND YOU WIND DOWN FROM THE DAY.


Join us for a discussion that’s critical for us all.

When The Rainbow Isn’t Enough…

Wednesday May 29, 2013 from 7:30 to 9:30 PM
at 385-A 8th Street, San Francisco(next door to Mr. S Leathers).

This town hall meeting is about why so many gay men in our communities are still killing themselves and what we can do about it. Be part of figuring out how we can build resilience within our community from the ground up?

Panelist include: Race Bannon, Michael Brandon, Blue Buddha, Veronika Fimbres and Jorge Vieto Jr. The meeting is moderated by Timothy Vollmer.

The event is open to everyone and all perspectives
are welcome.

SOUL TONES SF ~

 

SHIVA SESSIONS

Come experience your personal soul kirtan session.

With Mark Peterson Estrada MA

Soul Singer -Sound Healer -Reiki Master/Teacher.

Allow the sacred sounds and chants to vibrate and dance your soul awake leaving you more fully alive whole -healed and healthy.

So  why Shiva ?   

Shiva slices through stale attachments and cuts through negativity. Making room for you to source and align yourself with your soul energy.

Allowing more useful experiences to come into your life that assist you in experiencing more quality in your life.

So you can continue manifesting the expansion of your Soul Know at deeper levels of consciousness your purpose at every level.

Opening your heart and quieting  your mind.  Inviting you into the present embracing the gifts available living in the NOW.

 

With every mindful step you take and with each present breath may you know more self love from the inside out.

 With  every fiber of your being may you know  the  beauty and magnificence that is you.

A truth as sure as the lungs need air to breathe and with every heartbeat assuring  the body life.

You were born for such a sacred time as this come experience the true essence of your soul.

With a little help from Soul Tones SF. Sounds for your Soul.

Into offer only through 4-26-2013

45 minute  sessions… Mission district location. 

Cost  as you’re able $30 -$60.00 

 

CONTACT MARK AT MARK4SELFWELLNESS@GMAIL.COM OR 415 967-1391  

 

BE WELL AND NAMASTE’ MARK

A Snapshot of my Mom and I…

Pete n Re-Pete …

Radical Relationship that never die they simple change address’s

moving into your heart.

Knowing that you are forever changed in ways that allow the hand you will never hold to continue to reach out and touch others in the ways you live your life each day.

Having experienced them in yours in such amazing ways again and again those soul moments,crossed paths that last a lifetime with just a touch, a glance. One hand…One life…One person …One heart at a time.

My Heart Speaks to one of those radical relationships and Soul Moments in life.

My Mother’s Birthday was April 2nd she would have been 84 years old.

She left quietly in  January of  1977 as I looked on holding one hand with my high school friend Linda Davie holding the other.

A life cut short  at age 53 yet she has never left my side.

I have had many shifts in my feelings about her life and choices over the years.

Today I have much Love Respect and Gratitude for her willingness to give her children the things she thought were important at the time.

 

I so honor her courage to face her death with a sense of humor,grace  and faith. 

I was the best son I could be at the time being a teenager,questioning gay boy who loved to cook,in the throws of an eating disorder. I would put on shows in my room when the reality of life got a little to  up close n personal.

I would sing I’m  sure to the neighbors as if  non stop around the house. As it still does to this day music  is the single thing that brings me the most joy and is such a gift for which I am so very grateful.

As it’s so much not a way of escaping the world any longer. On her birthday this year I performed in a jazz showcase  an evening for both of us.

As a  door was opened to a life and opportunities I’ve been waiting for my whole life.. So at 54 the age she never lived to celebrate I’m taking a leap of faith into what I believe is my soul print in this life. 

Soul Tones SF…..A music ministry open to all faiths with a little   R-B, Jazz n Inspirational tunes on the side..

 

We were quite a combination of complexities made up well somewhere out there. Beyond any Leave it to Beaver or Donna Reed show I’ve ever seen … I’ll  say that much for sure..

I want to tell you a story that changed my relationship with her forever.;

 

A SNAPSHOT OF MY MOM….

 She was a strong willed fiery little lady barely standing 5ft tall. Her unending strength and courage,saucy quick wit and ability to make just about anyone feel at ease around her made for a big presence in a very small frame.

 Her dark hair almost always pulled up in a bun or french braid with one of those hair pieces that looks like a horses tail woven in and OMG hairpins and Aqua net super hold„ Always bright red nails with either a cigarette dangling from her lips or a can of coca-cola at her side.

 Mom…Mother  Ruthie or Pete as the Teamsters in Alameda called her when she drove a catering truck selling foods at the shipyards. I was nicknamed  Re-Pete when I worked with her in the summertime.

 What most didn’t know was that for as strong as she appeared on the outside to most everyone she could be just as fragile and often felt hurt or misunderstood in the ways others would regard her ways of being in relationship with them..

 Something I would know much more about than I would ever want to admit much less embrace and begin to change.. Yes that strong willed take charge temperament would often fail her.

If her actions towards others were regarded as something other than her intention. Or  she often would go to great effort’s for another wanting to be seen through different  eyes . Yet often her efforts would be  unnoticed or  fall short and unacknowledged.

And she grew older it became more challenging to manage the complexities of her own  emotions,fears and disappointments in life.

Her own self reliant and independent ways over the years now brought a tightness to her smile. And her heart would slip further and further out of sight.

 A harshness began to surround her words forming sentences and unleashing a tone in her voice that could cut you just as easily as a knife. And often did taking years sometimes generations to heal creating mistrust and difficulty with intimacy in the lives and relationships of her children.

 Had she become bitter and unkind? Challenged by her choices, fears and insecurities, now caught in a web of her own self created role’s in life?

In constant conversations with her past framed I believe anyway as I would allow years later that same voice to become a truth far too long.  Those words spoken in such judgmental,critical and fear based ways  message’s and beliefs.

 I believed she lived in a paradoxical box of her own design and one she would never find the doorway out of into the light and love of self.  As the years passed suddenly there were  no tomorrows left for Mom..  She never found that doorway it took me many a year to find and walk through on my own..

She had a phrase she would use I hated  and promised myself I would never use on another person for as long as I LIVED.

  “Just remember you’re going to need me long before I will ever need you”

 Those words at times would cause me to want to be as invisible as I could to escape a level of unkindness I thought I would never understand. Or so I thought!

 Not long ago  I was engaged in a huge family misunderstanding. That caused my niece to say something I was totally unprepared for.   Spoken to deflect from her own complexities of which I was unaware. Sadly a choice that would forever change my life and close a door to relationships I had never quite felt a part of my whole life long. Giving voice to an old way of being that was all Mom. 

  A chain of events occurred around a family celebration that left me feeling invisible for the last time..  Something unleashed a lifelong frustration and anger that was really about feeling deeply  hurt..I was shaken more than I would come to realize.

As I recall thinking and feeling that old sick empty feeling that I felt as a child that no words can describe except that I was once again unlovable and completely alone.

 

I couldn’t stop myself from hitting send on an email to family members that included what I knew were words that belonged to Mom .. And would forever change our relationships .  I had waiting to long and it was Moms voice that spoke for me that day as I ended the email with …..

Just remember you’re gonna need me long before I will ever need you”

You could have knocked me over with a feather..

In that moment I got it. My Mothers words were not meant to harm me. They were a way for her to protect herself from the old experience avoiding if even for a minute that old feeling of disappointment,mistrust and lack of love in her life.

A sadness she never wanted anyone to see. For her truth was she needed others more than she probably needed  anything else in life . She just wasn’t able to trust enough to allow herself much love anymore.

 My relationship with my Mother was forever changed in that moment. And I have no problem admitting today I need others in my life..

 I’m aware the roles she created to protect her from emotional harm,wounds and deep scars from living a life doing the very best she could but never feeling acknowledged in ways she so desperately needed.

 Her sentences, tone and her word selection created a separation from her and others. Causing and an emotional wound like no others. And I now had become caught in my own judgments and labels so critical of her only to turn that belief system inside on myself.

This was complex form of self protection, her harshness was never meant to harm anyone especially her children whom I will speak for myself are still un-layer the complexities we developed growing up.

 Facing,living or in relationships with many of the same self created roles and dances with the shadow self. I know from my own experience wanting something different only to find myself unable to trust quite enough to stop the familiar tone,level of harshness and tight lipped smile when feeling hurt,disappointed or an old wound reopened.

 And yes today at times I’m intense,reactive and when hurt form words that have a harshness followed by a tight lipped smile. But I will also tell you why and its my greatest challenge and your patience with me is well worth the effort..

I’m not proud of what occurred and I so know the truth in the power of the spoken word. I can never take back those words nor that email it’s done.. I can allow it to   providing me with a way to UN-layer the past in ways that open my heart a little bit more to contain more love compassion and empathy for myself and others as we walk connect and share in the Journey of the Soul.. Each of us a sacred gift to ourselves each other and the planet..

Just Frida being Frida. I suppose this explains those colorful stencils we noticed earlier.

[via Mission Mission]

 Dance as the heart speaks from the dance floor called his life

by  Mark Peterson Estrada It’s a choice that speaks to the heart of every person in it’s own unique way.

I too have joined in the dance knowing with great clarity and truth what I will no longer accept in my relationships with others.

Should it be it in their words ~behaviors~actions I will only embrace what is loving,kind and mutually supportive.. Period

No more making something work under the illusion it will get better when I know in my heart it won’t.

I only choose to dance in relationship with the beauty that lies in each present step,breath and heartbeat that is now.

Be it the two step,tango or waltz the melodies must come from hearts that are mutually loving,compassionate and kind.

Fully aware there is nothing familiar as I step upon this dance floor that has become my life.

I have no idea this is new and I’ve not danced this way before no experience in knowing even where to place my feet if I should follow or take the lead.

You see the sacred rhythms,melodies,even a baseline I have never heard before..

Yet I know deep in my soul if I listen very closely in the silence of my breath. My heart speaks to me in a soft and gentle voice that I’ve become to trust.

Saying I’ve been waiting for this very time to speak these words to you it’s high time it’s taken almost a lifetime but now it’s your time to join in the dance.

I am your Child … A workshop based on real life transforming relationships in every fiber of your being.

Self Wellness means being willing to Change…

Experience healing -wholeness- an integration and a letting go. Radical relationships with are parents giving the child permission to have the stronger voice.

Giving you a voice to speak your truth,to embrace the choice to have a different relationship with a parent,a childhood or just close the door on conversations of old that you can never change.

Shift the relationship you now have to the past giving you the freedom of choice to release and let go in ways that will heal, empower,and transform your relationships living in the here and now.

The relationship between Mother and child good ,bad, blessing or challenge  is significant and effects are relationship to life in a variety of ways.  

May bring us more complexities in life today giving  to strong  of a voice from the woman  who assisted your journey into this life. A Mother we all have a relationship with even if she is no longer a part of your daily life. 

Or perhaps still speaks to you in ways that take you places that are no longer empowering.. For you or for her if she is still living or passed on.  

No matter it’s important to give yourself permission to have a conversation that set’s you both free from old stories, events ,regrets, misunderstandings from the past.  

Or you risk playing them out again in your relationship to the self , your own children and the cycle repeats for another generation. 

Some grew up with wonderful childhood memories and have loving relationships with there Mothers they cherish I invite you to honor those as well.

How you choose to hold your relationship with your past  the conversations you have with your Mother when no one else is around.The ones spoken from  your heart and mind shifting that familiar dialogue, Mom’s words that  are no longer helpful . Or your holding on to old conversations and beliefs about your Mother that hasn’t worked for years.

You can still  give yourself a voice…

Have the conversation about those  events, memories, life experiences  that make up the relationship with  your Mother.

 True you can never change what is in the past but you can change your relationship with how you regard it today.

How  much power you allow the past  to have in the present knowing it  no longer  need define you in any way.

In fact the past and are relationships  provides us information and choice and  can be your greatest source of healing, radical acceptance of the self. The past forever gone allowing you to  embrace a relationship  to the gifts you bring,  with greater  sense of  acceptance self love,  knowing your making choices in the present  living the highest  quality life not defined by anyone or anything than  you ever thought possible.

To Live each day in the present  knowing that your relationships, choices,behaviors even the words you speak come from a place of love,forgiveness and divine light. 

 Supporting  you to live ,dance and play in ways that provide speak to your soul embracing your birthright to live an extraordinary life. 

That means being willing to accept yourself in loving ways no longer in conversations,relationships or events  with others that are unwilling to do the same.

Helping others to do so whenever possible.. 

Please contact me for details you will receive a 5 min video of your healing  conversation with your Parent of choice empowering the child in all of us.

Session will be 90 minutes and cost is at a sliding fee. $45-$85 as your able.

 With a $25.00 non refundable deposit to hold your space.  A 15 min phone intake is required.

mark@mindfulliigsf .com  or 415 967-3104 

The chance to speak, heal and make choices that support us to  live a most  extraordinary life.

Here’s my story bout my little Mom and Me

We had a very curious relationship Mom and  I her confidant~care provider~surrogate spouse I became at a very early age.

I never felt like her child nor anyone’s child for that matter.

So many years spent feeling like the outsider looking in no matter what I tried. 

I never felt included or a part of always even in a room full of familiar faces it was still in my minds eye a party of one.

Unable to explain to myself why I  always felt so different,was so sensitive to everyone and everything. \

I  experienced my emotions so deeply,wanted attention from others so much it was painful,yet feared relationships so intensely,

I wouldn’t let anyone in  nor had I ever  wanted  to be loved  more desperately I just never learned how. 

I had no idea then that I would later live more of my mothers life , speak  her words as often when hurt, afraid, feeling less than.

 I promised myself I would never use those words ,her words they had caused each of her children to live with a wound in some way. Impacting  the way we lived are lives and are relationships as adults and with each other for most if not all of are lives until recently for me.

Yet I would speak out to my siblings decades later in anger and self protection an email  destroying relationships using Mom’s  words.

 Allowing her  life,her voice , her conversations to get the better of me. Speaking for me harsh words that would forever change my life for once spoken or written those words  can never be taken back. 

 I have  a deeper understanding of her life holding her in great love and respect. now some 53 years later.

 I live my life in  ways that have  allowed me to heal and transform my life no longer resenting her choices or  the way she lived. 

I am your child and I now live my life so much differently than yours not that it was wrong it’s simply your life not mine.

No longer useful  are the ways I learned from you to respond to my experiences, relationships and communications in life. 

Know that your choices the way’s you lived provided me with information that has now  forever changed my life.

I am your child  and I live in Love ~Compassion ~Wholeness for both of us a celebration of healing each day in every present moment ~present breath  

 I was about 6-7 years old when this was taken on Mom’s birthday one year

 I am your Child … A workshop based on real life transforming relationships in every fiber of your being.

Self Wellness means being willing to Change…

To Live each day in the present  knowing that your relationships, choices,behaviors even the words you speak come from a place of love,forgiveness and divine light. 

 Supporting  you to live ,dance and play in ways that provide speak to your soul embracing your birthright to live an extraordinary life. 

That means being willing to accept yourself in loving ways no longer in conversations,relationships or events  with others that are unwilling to do the same.

Helping others to do so whenever possible here’s a bit of my story embracing the complexities moving through the shadows and embracing the self. 

Let me be clear this workshop  is about your personal truth wholeness and healing that honors the past allowing you to move forward. 

It is so not about a blame your parents for everything that went wrong or has  occurred in your life.

Please contact me for details you will receive a 5 min video of your healing  conversation with your Parent of choice empowering the child in all of us.
Workshop will be 90 minutes and cost is at a sliding fee. $45-85 as your able.

 With a $25.00 non refundable deposit to hold your space.  A 15 min phone intake is required.

Contact me 

mark@mindfulliigsf .com  or 415 967-3104 

The chance to speak, heal and make choices that support us to  live a most  extraordinary life.