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30 Ways to Practice Self-Love and Be Good to Yourself By Jessie Hayes

30 Ways to Practice Self-Love and Be Good to Yourself   

Jessie Hayes

At the Heart of the Matter… Walking in Self Wellness 

Is truly at the foundation for a good life and optimal wellness.

Embracing every  present moment in your day using care to make choices for the self that bring you peace,not stress.

I thought this article had some helpful suggestions for all of us 

on the path of Love sweet Love for Me…Myself and I

Love~Light~Heartsmiles, Rev.Mark

There is no other person in this world like you. You deserve to be loved not only by those around you but by the most important person in your life — YOU.

Practicing self-love can be challenging for many of us, especially in times when we face serious challenges. It’s not about being self-absorbed or narcissistic, it’s about getting in touch with ourselves, our well-being and our happiness. We practice self-love so we can push through our limiting beliefs and live a life that truly shines.

So do yourself a favor, take a deep breath, give yourself a little hug and start practicing the following:

  1. Start each day by telling yourself something really positive. How well you handled a situation, how lovely you look today. Anything that will make you smile.
  2. Fill your body with food and drink that nourishes it and makes it thrive.
  3. Move that gorgeous body of yours every single day and learn to love the skin you’re in. You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.
  4. Don’t believe everything you think. There is an inner critic inside of us trying to keep us small and safe. The downside is this also stops us from living a full life.
  5. Surround yourself with people who love and encourage you. Let them remind you just how amazing you are.
  6. Stop the comparisons. There is no one on this planet like you, so you cannot fairly compare yourself to someone else. The only person you should compare yourself to is you.
  7. End all toxic relationships. Seriously. Anyone who makes you feel anything less than amazing doesn’t deserve to be a part of your life.
  8. Celebrate your wins no matter how big or small. Pat yourself on the back and be proud of what you have achieved.
  9. Step outside of your comfort zone and try something new. It’s incredible the feeling we get when we realize we have achieved something we didn’t know or think we could do before.
  10. Embrace and love the things that make you different. This is what makes you special.
  11. Realize that beauty cannot be defined. It is what you see it as. Don’t let any of those Photoshopped magazines make you feel like your body isn’t perfect. Even those models don’t look like that in real life.
  12. Take time out to calm your mind every day. Breathe in and out, clear your mind of your thoughts and just be.
  13. Follow your passion. You know that thing that gets you so excited but scares you at the same time. The thing you really want to do but have convinced yourself it won’t work. You should go do that!
  14. Be patient but persistent. Self-love is ever evolving. It’s something that needs to be practiced daily but can take a lifetime to master. So be kind and support yourself through the hard times.
  15. Be mindful of what you think, feel and want. Live your life in ways that truly reflect this.
  16. Treat others with love and respect. It makes us feel better about ourselves when we treat others the way we hope to be treated. That doesn’t mean everybody will always repay the favor, but that’s their problem not yours.
  17. Find something to be grateful for every day. It’s inevitable that you are going to have your down days. This is fine and very human of you. It’s especially important on these days to find at least one thing you are grateful for as it helps to shift your mind and energy around what’s going on.
  18. Reach out to family, friends, healers, whomever you need to help you through the tough times. You are not expected to go through them alone.
  19. Learn to say no. Saying no sometimes doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a smart person.
  20. Forgive yourself. You know that thing you did one time (or maybe a few times) that made you feel bad, embarrassed, ashamed? It’s time to let that go. You can’t change the things you have done in the past but you can control your future. Look at it as a learning experience and believe in your ability to change.
  21. Write it down. Head swimming with so many thoughts it’s giving you a headache? Write them all down on a piece of paper, no matter how crazy, mean, sad, or terrifying they are. Keep it in a journal, tear it up, burn it, whatever you need to do to let it go.
  22. Turn off and inwards. Grab a cup of your favorite tea, coffee, wine, whatever your choice of drink, and sit down for a few minutes on your own. No TV or distractions, just you. Think about the wonderful things that are happening in your life right now, what your big dreams are and how you can make them happen.
  23. Give up the need for approval from others. “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” – Dita Von Teese
  24. Be realistic. There is no person on this earth that is happy every single moment of every single day. You know why? Because we are all human. We make mistakes, we feel emotions (good and bad) and this is OK. Allow yourself to be human.
  25. Get creative and express yourself in whatever way you like. Painting, writing, sculpting, building, music, whatever takes your fancy, and make sure you leave your inner critic at the door. There are no right ways to be creative.
  26. Let go of past trauma and wounds. This can be a really tough one and it may be one of those times you need to turn to others for support. The truth is though, when we let go of things that have happened to us it’s almost like a weight is lifted off our shoulders. We don’t have to carry that around with us anymore. We deserve better.
  27. Find your happy place. Where’s the one place you feel totally at ease, calm, happy, positive, high on life? Go to that place when you are going through hard times, or imagine yourself being there. Think about how it feels, what it smells like, what it looks like.
  28. The next time you are feeling happy and on top of the world make a list of your best qualities and accomplishments. It may sound a little corny, but it can be a wonderful reminder when you are having a day that’s less than amazing.
  29. Get in touch with your inner dialogue. If it’s anything less than loving, encouraging and supportive, it’s time to make a change. You deserve to be spoken to in the same way you would speak to your best friend, sister, brother, daughter, or son.
  30. Have fun! Get out there and do the things that light your fire. Enjoy them, enjoy being you and enjoy your incredible life.

At the Heart of the Matter… Intentional Souls

An article I wanted to share written by Matthew Engel 

You will find more about him at the bottom of this page. 

How In Control Are You of Your Life?

 People often ask me about which aspects of their lives they control and which are pre-determined. How much control do you have based on the circumstances that have been given to you from your parents, decisions that other people make, traumatic events, losses, etc? Exactly how in control are you of your life?

I work from the belief that we all come into our lifetimes with a Soul Contract. Prior to birth, the soul agrees to incarnate with a particular set of circumstances that will present lessons that are most needed at that point in the soul’s evolution. At some point before long, I’m going to write a book about the lessons we all address here in Earth School. In a nutshell, every soul is working through the following themes: Power and Control, Divine Love, Boundaries, Self Identity, Balance, Authenticity, Speaking One’s True Voice, Creative Expression, Depth, Joy, Spirituality, Material Values, Autonomy vs. Partnership, Finding a Tribe, Caring for Body and Earth, Nurturing and Being Nurtured, Discernment, Aligning with Change, Transformation, Surrender, Personal Accountability vs. Letting Go, Seeing through the Veil of the Physical, Passing on to Others the Lessons Acquired - to name a few. We are all teachers and students simultaneously.

In order to refine our ability to deal with these lessons, we incarnate with different archetypes. They create a lens from which to approach the lessons. Archetypal themes for a particular lifetime can be identified through one’s astrological chart, use of tarot and other modalities. Inevitably, there are challenges and crises that prompt us go deeper into the lessons presented. These lessons bring up our shadow!

Rage, manipulation, victimization, wounded child, misuse of power, complacency, greed, fear, dependency, blame, excessive identification with materialism or the physical world, judgment, loss of self identity, giving our personal power away, avoiding personal responsibility, cynicism, refusal to engage in personal and spiritual growth, harming others, naively following the pack, ignorance, all of the ISM’s, addiction (EVERYONE is addicted to something!) are just a few examples of the shadow self. The shadow isn’t a bad thing, nor is it something to avoid. It makes us human and creates a template for growth.  

So exactly how in control of your life are you? To begin with, your soul agreed to come into this life with whatever struggles you’re dealing with. If you’re cringing at that thought, your soul may be confronting some themes ofcynicism or refusal to engage in looking deeper for the gifts in whatever crisis is in front of you. You may be questioning the function of examples like mass genocide, starving children in 3rd world countries, and survivors of nuclear bombs. Since the 2nd World War, multiple psychics have channeled that the souls of the 10,000,000 people who were put to death in concentration camps played a major role in clearing and rebalancing their individual and collective karmic histories. It was a way to heal the karmic scales in order to allow for further ascension. The holocaust also prompted millions of others to address themes of victimization, blame, rage, questions of faith, efforts to support equality, the creation of the United Nations, greater awareness of discrimination and naïve following of leadership, etc.  

By facilitating hundreds of past life regressions, I’ve seen some of the most spiritually aware people revisit lifetimes where they led troops into battle, raped, burned and pillaged through villages, oppressed innocent people, took unfair advantage of their financial circumstances, mistreated their children, etc. In other words, every soul has done some pretty heinous things in the past. Think about the karma being accrued by the big wigs at the oil companies, corporations who are using slave labor in 3rd world countries (and polluting the earth), the bankers who created sub-prime mortgages with terrible terms, your crazy boss, your cheating ex, your abusive parent, a rapist, someone beating his dog - or even your own negative attitude!

When we experience the losses, traumatic events, and challenges in human life, we have an opportunity to look more deeply at ourselves, people around us, and society at large. We have an opportunity to connect the dots by putting our situations into a Light of the Bigger Picture. We have an opportunity to develop more compassion (for ourselves and others). We are often prompted to let go of things that aren’t really important. We have an opportunity to find our power to heal, transform, support social change, create and express in ways that could not ever have occurred without those challenges.

I recently shared on Facebook a quote posted by world renowned Author and Spiritual Teacher, Wayne Dyer: “Everything you do is based on the choices you make. It’s not your parents, your past relationships, your job, the economy, the weather, an argument or your age that is to blame. You and only you are responsible for every decision and choice you make. Period.” This quote led to quite a range of reactions - both on my FB page and Dr. Dyers! A lot of people “liked” the statement and others challenged it. Someone pointed out that children shouldn’t be blamed for their behavior. Someone else pointed out that someone who’s raped and has severe PTSD may spiral out of control (because of the nature of how PTSD works biochemically and psychologically). Others argued that we behave the way our parents teach us to. One person criticized the statement as being one of many “gross generalizations” that are “plastered all over the internet” and only applicable to some demographic groups.  

I agree with all of these points. What I’d add is that every living being learns through experience and certain patterns take a long time to changeA state of emotional unraveling because of significant depression or trauma is not an end pointIt’s merely a stage in the journey. Part of the soul’s evolutionary process is to play out whatever “drama” is needed for long enough to raise consciousness about how to heal, the need to shift gears - or at the very least, how to actively engage in the process of healing and transformation. I should also point out that Dr. Dwyer did not have a charmed childhood. He experienced abuse and neglect as a child and grew up in an orphanage.

All of my spiritual role models have experienced their share of struggle. Louise Hay was abused as a child, raped repeatedly as a teenager, had a baby at age 16, was in abusive marriage for many years and self published her internationally acclaimed book, You Can Heal Your Life(which I highly recommend reading) when she was 60 years old. For several years prior, she acquired fame for working with AIDS patients in the 1980’s to help them achieve some degree of well being by changing their attitudes. Now in her 80’s, she has become one of the most prolific spiritual teachers of our time.

I spent 12 years working as a therapist and social worker in predominantly low income, urban mental health settings. Intergenerational domestic and community violence, gang involvement, poverty, limited education, English as a second language, substance abuse, sexual assault (and people who witnessed it as children), robbery, murder, and various legal involvements were the norm. Many of my clients had emigrated from 3rd world countries where they experienced abuse from their governments, genocide, natural disasters without help and limited medical care. There was also marked pressure to conform to this behavior in order to be part of the community. Certainly I witnessed many clients engaging in all kinds of self-destructive behavior and some seemed to go down perpetually downward spirals by repeating the same behaviors for many years. And yet, I can’t help but remember multiple examples of marked change among people who simply made a decision to respond differently - even if it took a while to get there:

Case Examples from My Counseling Practice Over the Years: 

1. A 41 year-old woman who had 7 kids with 7 different abusive boyfriends from the time she was 15-40. She lived on welfare, hadn’t finished high school and never had a job. Her children became parents when they were teenagers and she was already a great-grandmother at the age of 41. After her 7th child was born, she made a decision that she didn’t want to continue to pass on that lineage to her youngest. She stopped dating, got her GED and obtained her first job as a receptionist. She was piecing things together and felt more power and pride from doing so than ever before.  

2. A 23 year-old woman who was pregnant with her 5th child. A few of her younger kids were in state custody because she wasn’t in a position to care for them. She was living with her parents in an abusive situation. In our first meeting when talking about her plans for when the baby was born, she said “Well, I’m not sure what I’m going to do in terms of work. But the first thing I’m going to do is have my tubes tied. I can’t keep having children. That isn’t helping me get ahead.”

3. A 15 year-old boy who was living in urban housing projects surrounded by kids who were either gang involved or going down a self-destructive path. When a teacher “disrespected” him by speaking harshly, he felt he had to save face. He knocked over a desk, threw a chair across the room (toward the teacher) and shouted at the teacher to “Fuck Off!” Under the school’s No Tolerance To Violence Policy, the boy was facing expulsion. He was given a choice to meet with me for several counseling sessions or get expelled from school. He didn’t like either option but eventually agreed to meet with me. In our sessions, he justified his actions by stating that he needed to defend himself - persistently arguing, “that’s how it is in the real world.” He wouldn’t budge. After several sessions, he was able to articulate that he didn’t want to get kicked out of school. Although held onto the belief that he might need to behave similarly outside of school, he agreed to apologize to the teacher and to do things differently in school. As a result, he was able to remain in high school. The following year, the young man was accepted into college.

4. A 16 year-old boy who was severely depressed and self-medicating with a variety of drugs. He refused to give up his addiction and was surrounded by peers who were engaging in similar behavior. However, he came to therapy regularly because he knew that he needed to try to get to the root of his pain. Even if it wasn’t visible on the surface, he wasengaging in the process of change. 

5. A 38 year-old woman with severe depression, anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder. Her mother had 6 kids with 6 different partners - each more abusive than the previous one. In addition to having been beaten regularly as a child, she described some of the most horrific domestic violence that I’ve ever heard about. At one point, her mother’s boyfriend tried to kill her mother by beating and stabbing her repeatedly and trying to murder her infant brother by putting him in a 500 degree oven. As a young adult, this woman had been kidnapped, tied up and pistol whipped by gang members after they horribly assaulted her best friend and then tried to sexually assault her. She was afraid to go out in the dark, afraid of failure, and had some learning disabilities which made it really hard to get a suitable job.  

Despite her pain, she attended therapy every week from the time she was 16 years old. Her symptoms prevailed with varying waves of intensity. At the age of 38, she mustered up the courage to meet with a career counselor and accepted her first job working part time at a nursing home. She was terrified. Over time, she grew to love the job and she eventually went off disability to work full time. She remained in therapy and agreed to take medication to help with her depression and anxiety. Her pain didn’t disappear, but she confronted it head-on and gradually made positive changes in her life - despite periods of apparent stagnation.  I had the privilege of working with this person for 2-3 years.  

Sometimes losses and traumatic events are so severe that they have impacts for an entire lifetime. As a result, some people may not go as far as others in the process of creating abundance or living a self-actualized life. However, there is always room for some degree of change. Take notice of where you have small opportunities to engage in self care, achieving greater awareness, and the process of healing. It may take time, but your spirit has profound capacity to heal!

As always, it’s an honor to support you in your transformational journey. In many cases, we can work by phone if you’re far away.


Matthew ~

Matt Headshot August 2010


Matthew is a professional Intuitive-Channel, Counselor, Business Success Coach & Certified Hypnotherapist.  He began intuitively reading family and friends 20 years ago and has been doing so professionally since 2003.  With a passion for personal and spiritual growth, Matthew has worked in the counseling field for 17 years.  His services include: 

(Most Services Are Available By Phone & In Person)


* Intuitive Readings  
* Hypnotherapy
* Past Life Regression
* Counseling & Coaching
* Holistic Psychotherapy  
  (CA LCS #24169)
* Psychic Development & Channeling Classes 
* Workshops, Teleseminars
* Media Appearances
* Business Coaching & Development
* Radio Host   

Here is a link to his website

The Greatest Gift….is one you give the self.


The treasures that can be found outside of you can’t even compare with the treasures that can be found inside of you. Rumi 

“You wander from room to room Hunting for the diamond necklace That is already around your neck!”

“If you knew yourself for even one moment, if you could just glimpse your most beautiful face, maybe you wouldn’t slumber so deeply in that house of clay. Why not move into your house of joy and shine into every crevice! For you are the secret Treasure-bearer, and always have been. Didn’t you know?”

“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.”

“Why are you so enchanted by this world, when a mine of gold lies within you?”

“You go from village to village on your horse asking everyone, “Has anyone seen my horse?”

Think less. Feel more. Rumi

“Reason is powerless in the expression of Love.”

“Put your thoughts to sleep, do not let them cast a shadow over the moon of your heart. Let go of thinking.”

“Only from the heart can you touch the sky.”

“There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled. There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled. You feel it, don’t you?”

“Be empty of worrying. Think of who created thought! Why do you stay in prison When the door is so wide open?”


CAPTURE: Explorations with Glass (July 2014) from AMIR JAFFER on Vimeo.

Four dancemakers take Google Glass for a spin. Around San Francisco, we capture dancers, and, for the first time, we gaze through dancers’ eyes. As the debate around high-tech invasion of privacy rages, in the home of the tech revolution, our dancers explore the power and intimacy of Glass.

Choreographers: Dexandro “D” Montalvo, Milissa Payne Bradley, Lauren B., Robert Dekkers
Music Composer: Daniel Berkman
Cinematographer and Editor: Amir Jaffer
Executive Producer: Ballet to the People.

© 2014 Ballet to the People. All Rights Reserved.

Present Moment ~ Perfect Timing ….I release from within my mind.


 July 5, 2014
Be Free from Unhealthy Relationships
From Be Free from Unhealthy Relationships On-Line Course

by Rhonda Findling 

The following is an excerpt from the “Be Free from Unhealthy Relationships” on-line course. If you would like to take the entire course, click here

If you want to be free from unhealthy relationships, then the first step is not to call, text, e-mail or even Facebook a person that you: 

· Have broken up with or has broken up with you 

· Have determined is abusive 

· Are highly attracted to but they are not returning your level of interest (for whatever reason) 

· Have an unhealthy connection or relationship with 

· Is presently in your life but you’re trying to not act needy with 

When you contact someone you’re not hearing from or trying to let go of, there can be a pleasurable rush of adrenaline from the anticipation of seeing them, hearing their voice or reading their message. But this rush is just a temporary fix, which you may have to pay a tremendous price for. 

Even if the person does respond positively when you contact them, it may be momentarily thrilling or electrifying, but soon the anguish will return, because the problem is still there. Nothing has really changed. You’re still not a couple or the person remains emotionally unavailable. You’ll just have to start detaching all over again, doubling your efforts. 

If you’ve ended the relationship because someone was doing something that you experienced as hurtful or refused to tolerate any longer, contacting them would take away your credibility for the boundary you set. By initiating a contact you would also be colluding with the behavior that you already told them was unacceptable. 


When you contact someone you’re trying not to act needy with, it’s often impulsive. Acting on impulse can make life exciting and dramatic but it can also put you at risk because you are not reflecting on whether it’s a productive behavior. You’re not thinking of the future and consequences. You’re just acting in the moment. 

So if you’re thinking of making a contact, take time to reflect. Sit on your feelings. Endure your anxiety. Don’t just do something because you feel like it. There could be disastrous effects if you do.

Call people in your support system to discuss any impulsive urges that come over you- whether to see, e-mail, call, or text them. Discuss and process your feelings with safe reliable people Remember that feelings do pass. Feelings are only temporary, which is why it’s important to hang in there even when the urge to contact them feels unbearable. 

You have to do whatever it takes to endure urges to make a contact and move past them. As you do this more and more, you will feel yourself gaining emotional strength. 


Clinging is any behavior that demonstrates holding on, not letting go. This can be exemplified by activities ranging from a compulsive phone call, text, or e-mail when they haven’t responded to any of your previous contacts. Contacting someone who is not reciprocating your interest, or has rejected you is a form of clinging. The urge to cling can be irresistible. You know with your rational mind that your behavior isn’t appropriate, but you are driven by a compulsion you feel you can’t control. You may experience actual discomfort when you don’t carry out the compulsive act. 

It’s essential to remember that clinging behavior causes most people to distance themselves even further. If someone has issues about intimacy your clinging will make them feel closed in and claustrophobic. They may feel that they have no room to breathe from your relentless trying to get them to prove that they’re not going to leave you. Your clinging also makes you look emotionally hungry making them feel that they’ll have to endlessly supply you with reassuring love which will scare them off. 

It’s human nature to have a hard time falling in love with someone who’s bombarding them with phone calls, texts or e-mails. A clinging person doesn’t leave someone a chance to long and yearn for them. They are so available another person doesn’t have the space to fantasize about or miss them, which unfortunately is sometimes what falling in love, is all about. 

Why clinging is not productive 

There are people whose psychological problems prohibit them from having a relationship. These people are married to their pathology. Your chasing them will not break through their defenses, resistances and impairment. 

Sometimes their lack of response or reciprocating is not even about you. It’s truly about them. It doesn’t make a difference because no matter who it’s about; they just can’t do it. They can’t be there for you. You must face the truth of their unavailability so you can let them go and move on. Bottom line, you can’t force another person’s feelings, motivation for relationship, or emotional health no matter how many rules and programs you follow or implement. 

In fact if you don’t chase them around you’ll get an opportunity to see what they do when they don’t get any prompts or reminders from you. 

Action steps: What you can do when you want to cling 

· Go on dating sites online. It will also show you the abundance of people out there. You might also meet someone new who is even better than your ex or a person you’re trying to let go of. 

· Distract yourself - do whatever it takes to not think about your ex or a person you’re trying to let go of even if it feels counterintuitive. 

· Call someone in your support system. 

Writing exercises 

-Think of a time you were clinging to someone you were in love with. What were you feeling? What was behind the clinging? Was there another action you could have taken to not cling? 

-What does it feel like to show someone that you have been clinging to that you are now independent? Does it feel empowering? 

Action step/ Writing Exercise: 

·The next time you feel insecure or lonely, try not to reach out to the emotionally unavailable person you are currently attached to. Instead, see how you get through it on your own. Write about your feelings that come up in your journal. 

·Try to imagine life without the stress of an emotionally unavailable person’s confusing behavior. Get to know how it feels to have emotional space free of them. Write about your feelings in your journal. 
·Visualize yourself in a relationship with someone who’s sure of their love for you. Someone who makes you feel secure. Someone who has never disappointed or betrayed you. Describe your relationship in your journal? What is that person like? How do you feel with them? 

Spiritual Tip #5: Surrendering To What Is 

If you’re trying to hold onto someone even though you know it’s a hopeless situation then you are resisting the inevitable. When it’s time for someone to go you can’t fight it. The relationship time with them has passed, even if it hurts. Surrender to what is. 



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